Two kids, one house

An older kid minding a younger one is the arrangement most likely to be running by Wednesday. It holds if the older one knows exactly what they are in charge of.

In charge of the house, not a parent

The course gives the older kid an honest framing: you are responsible for the house and for keeping them safe, and you are not their parent. That sentence does two jobs. It tells the older one what the job is, and it takes off them the parts of the job that were never theirs — homework, screen time, whether the younger one eats the crusts.

Say it to both kids together, and say what it means in your house. A ten-year-old who has been told you’re in charge with no further detail will either do nothing or do everything, and both end in a row.

Which kid is which

The older one has the Home Alone Ready certificate and has done the ladder. The younger one may not be ready to be alone and doesn’t need to be; they are being looked after. Whether a given older kid can mind a given younger one, and from what age, is something some places set rules about, so check your local rules before you rely on the arrangement.

Both kids get the same telling promise, and it needs saying separately to each. The younger one in particular needs to hear that telling on their sibling for something that mattered is not tattling. The course draws that line for them: tattling gets somebody in trouble; telling gets somebody out of it.

Arguments, decided in advance

There will be one. The course teaches the older kid the rule: it gets agreed on a calm morning, not at four in the afternoon, and it is step apart, wait, then talk. Nobody wins an argument at volume. Your part is to agree the rule with both kids on that calm morning and to say what happens if it is broken, so the older one is enforcing your rule and not inventing one.

Give them somewhere to step apart to. Two rooms, or a room and the garden. An argument in a small flat with no exits is a different problem, and the rule for that is that one of them goes to the kitchen and the other doesn’t follow.

If somebody is hurt

The rule that removes the judgement call: the older one calls. They don’t decide whether it is serious enough; that is not their job, and they are not equipped for it. They stay with the younger one and don’t move them unless where they are is dangerous. The sentence they practise is my brother’s hurt and I need you now, and the first call is to you, then the backup, then emergency services if nobody can be reached and it is that kind of hurt.

Tell the older one, plainly, that they will never be in trouble for calling. Kids hesitate over whether it is bad enough, and the hesitation is the only dangerous part.

What the older one is not

Not the enforcer of screens, not the homework monitor, not your eyes. If you use the older one to report on the younger one, you have set them against each other for the price of a little information, and the arrangement will not hold. The older one keeps the house safe. You do the rest when you get home.

It helps to say this to the older one privately as well as at the table. I’m not going to ask you what your sister did today. I’m going to ask whether the house was safe. Most older kids are relieved to hear it.

The rules card

One page on the fridge, written with both kids in the room. Who is in charge of the house and what that means, three things it doesn’t mean, the argument rule, what happens if somebody is hurt, the check-in time and who sends it, and what the younger one is allowed to do alone. Fill it in below. Rewrite it when the younger one moves up a rung.