Older siblings and their friends

1Watch

The brother's mates come back

It ends before he answers. Notice how much he wants them to like him. That is the whole thing.

2The idea

Older is not the same as in charge

Your friend’s brother is seventeen. He is not a grown-up, and he is definitely not your grown-up. He is living by seventeen-year-old rules, some of which are not even good rules for him. He is not a villain. He is just not in charge of you, and he will act like he is.

The rules you came with are still your rules when the older kids are in the room. Wanting them to like you is normal. It is also the only reason this lesson exists, because that wanting is what makes you say yes to things you would never say yes to on your own.

3The idea

The four things that actually get asked

It is nearly always one of these, and each has a Move.
Keep watch for us: Say it. Not for me, you go ahead.
Get in, I’ll drive you: Say it, then message home. No answer means walk.
Hold this for a minute: Say it, hands in pockets.
Don’t tell my mum: Tell tonight. Yours, not his.

The line for all of them is the same and it is short: Not for me. You go ahead. It says no to the thing and nothing about them. Nobody grasses anybody up by refusing to hold a bag. And if the dial goes past Twitchy, you do not need a line at all. Leave.

4The idea

Watch it work once: the lift

He passed his test in March. He offers you both a lift to the shop, which is five minutes away. This is where the Two Questions do the work. Do I have permission? No, not for this. Would I be happy telling Mum about this after? Not really, and that is the honest answer, not the polite one.

So the message goes home first: can I get a lift to the shop with Ben’s brother? Then you wait on the pavement, not in the car. If nobody answers, your feet still work. A new driver with a car full of mates is the one kind of driving parents actually worry about, and the numbers say they are right.

5Say it

The refusal that does not grass anybody up

You will need it the first time an older kid holds something out. It says no to the thing and nothing about them.

6Decide

Passed his test in March. Offers you both a lift to the shop.

7Build it

Four situations

The fourth card is the one to notice. Somebody asking you to keep something from their parent is asking you to keep it from yours too.

8Find them

Which of these does your friend's older brother get to decide for you?

Tap the ones that count.

9The idea

Who you would tell

Tell tonight means your own grown-up, about your own evening. It is not about getting his brother in trouble, and most of the time nothing happens to anybody. It is so that one adult knows what that house is like, which is information you will want them to have next time you are invited.

Have two names ready before you need them. The first is usually a parent. The second is for the night the first one is not picking up: an aunt, a grandparent, a friend’s mum you actually trust. Two names, decided now, in daylight, when nothing is happening.

10Do it

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