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Anyone asking you to move somewhere private
Recognise the request to move to a different app as the warning sign it is, and say no to it.
1Watch
Let's talk somewhere else
The invitation
A friendly chat in a game lobby, ten minutes of it, all about the game. Then: this chat is rubbish, add me on the other app, it is easier. It ends on the kid looking at the message, the game paused behind it.
25 secondsIt sounds like nothing. That is what it always sounds like.
2The idea
Why somewhere private is the sign
There is one reason someone wants to move you from an open chat to a private one, or from a game to an app where messages vanish: so nobody else can see what they say next. That is the whole reason. There is not another one. Easier, faster, better emojis: those are the reasons offered, and the reason offered is never the reason.
It does not matter who they are or how nice the last ten minutes were. Someone who is fine with your friends and parents seeing the chat does not need to move it. Someone who needs to move it is telling you something, and this lesson is about hearing it.
3The idea
What it looks like, and what you say
It comes in different clothes, so learn the shapes.
Add me on this other app.
Let’s use the one where messages delete.
What’s your number, it is easier.
Don’t tell your mates, they will be jealous.
All four are the same request. The last one is the same request, louder.
The answer is five words and no reasons: No, I will stay here. You do not explain, apologise or argue. If they push, that is the request confirming itself, and you go through the Four Moves.
Say it. (You already did.)
Leave. (Close the chat.)
Be loud. (Say in the open chat what they asked.)
Tell tonight.
4The idea
The game friend, worked through
Someone you have played with every Tuesday for a month says the game chat is broken and to message them on a different app. You like them. Run it. What changed? Not the person, not the game. Only where the conversation can be seen. That is the shape from the list, in its friendliest clothes.
You type: no, I will stay here. If they say fine and carry on playing, good, and you have learned nothing bad about them. If they push, sulk, or say you are being weird, that is the answer confirming itself. You close the chat, and tonight you tell a parent what was said, word for word. The phone stays yours either way.
5Say it
Five words, no reasons
Say it flat, like you are telling someone the time. No sorry, no because.
“No, I will stay here.”
You do not owe anyone a reason. If they push, that is the answer confirming itself, and it is time for the last of the Four Moves: tell tonight.
6Decide
Someone you play with every week says the game chat is broken and to message them on a different app instead. You quite like them.
Pick one to carry on.
7Your turn
Three invitations
Three invitations
Three chats, one message at a time. In each, somebody suggests moving to a different app. One is a game friend, one is a friend of a friend, one says it is to plan a surprise. Tap the moment you would say no. The game shows you the message where it turned and which shape from the list it was.
Notice how reasonable each one sounds. The reason offered is never the reason.
8Find them
Which of these are the same request in different clothes?
Tap the ones that count.
Find all 4.
9Do it
Before you leave this page
Say 'No, I will stay here' out loud five times, to a mirror or to a parent. Do not add anything after it. Then tell the parent what the sentence is for.
Tick it when you have done it.
Lesson done.
If someone wants to move the chat somewhere private, the answer is no. Every time.
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