Ready Kids › First Job Ready › Badge 1 › Lesson 1.2
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In charge means in charge
Give a calm, clear instruction to a child who is testing you, and hold it without shouting or bargaining.
1Look
Ten past seven
Ten past seven
An eight-year-old in pyjamas at the top of the stairs, grinning, tablet under one arm, and behind the sitter a note on the fridge that says bed at seven.
He knows what the note says. He wants to know what you are going to do about it.
2The idea
They are supposed to test you
On the first night a kid will try something. Bedtime, a snack, the telly, going outside. Not because they are bad. Because a new person in charge is a question, and the only way a kid can answer it is to push and see what happens. Being tested is not a sign it is going wrong. It is the job starting.
The parents want two things: the child in bed at the time on the note, and a sitter who did not shout and did not cave. Both matter. A sitter who caves once has taught the kid that every rule is negotiable for the rest of the night, and the kid will spend the rest of the night negotiating.
3The idea
The instruction, and how to hold it
1. Get to their level. Say their name.
2. Say the thing, short and plain: Tablet down, teeth, bed. It is half past.
3. If they argue, say it again. Same words, same voice.
4. No threats you would not carry out. No deals that change the parents’ rule.
5. If it is a safety thing, you move first and talk second.
Same words, same voice, twice. That is what meaning it sounds like. Not louder the second time. Not with a reason attached. A kid hears a louder voice as a fight they can join, and a reason as an argument they can win. The flat repeat gives them nothing to push against, which is the point.
4Say it
The instruction, in a voice that is not a fight
Say this in a calm, ordinary voice, like you are telling someone the time
“It's bedtime now. Tablet down, please.”
You will need it about ten minutes after the parents’ car pulls away.
5The idea
Sam and the tablet
Sam is thirteen, sitting for Leo, who is eight. The note says bed at half seven. At half seven Leo says his mum lets him stay up on Fridays. Maybe true. The note does not say so, and the note wins. Sam: The note says half past. Tablet down, please. Leo: You are not my mum. Sam: No. It is still half past. Tablet down. Leo huffs and goes. Sam did not win an argument. He declined to have one.
If Leo had flat refused? Sam does not drag him. He says, calmly, that he will tell Leo’s mum bedtime did not happen and why, and he means it. Then he keeps the tablet, stays calm, and reports it at the door. The parents deal with it. The sitter reports it, honestly, without dressing it up.
6Decide
Leo says: Mum lets me stay up on Fridays. What do you say?
Pick one to carry on.
7The idea
What you never do, and what you can let go
No shouting. No grabbing, unless a child is about to be hurt, and then you move them gently and fast. No threats you will not carry out. No deals that change a rule the parents set. You can be firm without being anything else. Firm is quiet.
Where you can give ground: the small stuff. Which pyjamas, which story, teeth first or wee first. Let them choose those, every time. A kid who gets to decide something small fights much less about the big thing, because they have had a say. The rule does not move. The way it is delivered can.
8Find them
Which of these are tests, and completely normal?
Tap the ones that count.
Find all 4.
9Your turn
Three tests
Three tests
Three short scenes: the biscuit, the bedtime, and a kid heading for the front door. For each, pick your line from three, and the scene replays with the child's response. The third one only accepts moving before speaking.
The third one is a safety one. Notice how your voice does not change but your feet do.
10Do it
Before you leave this page
Practise the calm instruction out loud, twice, with a parent playing a kid who argues back. Same words, same voice, both times. Your parent tells you whether it sounded like you meant it.
Tick it when you have done it.
Lesson done.
Say it once, plainly. Say it again, the same. Kids test because that is their job. Holding is yours.
Next lesson: What you're good at already