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Grades 6–8 · First Job Ready · Badge 4

Preschool and school age

Set the same boundary with a four-year-old, a six-year-old and a nine-year-old, giving each the right amount of room.

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Step 1 of 9

1Watch

Three doorways

Film

Three doorways

The same sitter in three rooms: a four-year-old refusing a coat, a six-year-old negotiating for ten more minutes, a nine-year-old behind a closed bedroom door. The sitter opens her mouth in all three, and the film ends.

20 seconds

Three kids, one sitter, one rule. Watch how close she would need to be in each room.

2The idea

What changes between three and ten

Three and four: still needs you in sight. Big feelings, small words. Understands yes and no better than why. Five to seven: negotiates everything, and fair matters enormously. Can be trusted alone in a room with the door open. Eight to ten: wants space, resents being watched, can be reasoned with, and still cannot be trusted with a hob or the front door.

The older they get, the more you explain and the further away you stand. The rule does not move. The common mistake runs both ways. Treat a nine-year-old like a four-year-old and they will fight you all night. Treat a four-year-old like a nine-year-old and they will be lost.

3The idea

The boundary, at three ages

Four: get down, name, short instruction, a choice inside it. Coat on. Red arm first or blue arm first?
Six: the rule, one reason, and fair. Bed at eight, same as every night. You pick the story.
Nine: the rule, the reason, and space. Your mum said screens off at nine. I’ll knock at five to. Up to you how you use the time till then.

A choice inside the rule is not the same as a choice about the rule. And presence: four, in the room. Six, in the next room, door open, a look every few minutes. Nine, downstairs, door can be shut, a knock at agreed times. You still know where they are and what they are doing. Being present is not the same as hovering.

4The idea

Tom, one house, three kids

Tom sits for Mia, four, Eli, six, and Grace, nine. Bedtime. Mia: Pyjamas. Frog ones or star ones? She picks; done. Eli: Half seven, same as always. Teeth first or story first? He argues; Tom says it again; he goes. Grace: Your mum said lights out at nine. I’ll knock at ten to. Want a drink before? She says fine and shuts the door. Tom knocks at ten to.

Three bedtimes, one rule, no shouting. Tom gave each of them exactly as much say as their age could carry. Mia got a choice of pyjamas. Eli got a reason and a choice of order. Grace got the reason and an hour of being left alone, which at nine is the thing she actually wanted.

5Your turn

Same situation, three ages

Interactive

Three ages

One situation: a child who will not come in from the garden. Pick your line for each of three ages from four options. The wrong line plays out so you can see what it does.

The nine-year-old line that gets used on the four-year-old is the trap.

6Decide

Grace, nine, has shut her bedroom door. It is an hour until lights out. What do you do?

Right. She gets the space, and you still know where she is, what she is doing, and when you will check. The knock at the time you said is the bit that makes it work: she learns you mean what you say, without you standing over her.

Not quite. Sitting in with a nine-year-old is treating her like a four-year-old and she will hate it. Leaving her entirely is the other mistake: you still have to know what she is doing. Space with a promised knock gives her the room and keeps the job yours.

Pick one to carry on.

7Say it

The four-year-old version

Say it to a four-year-old: down at their level, two choices, both inside the rule

“Coat on. Red arm first, or blue arm first?”

It works because they get to decide something. Just not the thing.

8Find them

Which of these fit a six-year-old?

Tap the ones that count.

Find all 4.

9Do it

Before you leave this page

Pick one rule, bedtime say, and explain out loud to a parent how you would say it to a four-year-old, a six-year-old and a nine-year-old. Three versions, under a minute each.

Tick it when you have done it.

Lesson done.

Same rule at every age. What changes is how much you explain and how far away you stand.

Next lesson: Children with additional needs

Badge 4 · Ages and Stages

4.1Babies 4.2Toddlers 4.3Preschool and school age 4.4Children with additional needs ★Badge Challenge

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