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Saying no out loud
Say no at full volume, stand so that it lands, and leave in the middle of somebody's sentence.
1Watch
Mid-sentence
Mid-sentence
A kid on a bench outside a library. An adult sits down at the other end and starts talking: friendly, a lot of questions. The kid has said no once, quietly, and the adult is still talking. The film stops on the kid deciding whether to wait for him to finish.
24 secondsHe is not finished. That is not her problem.
2The idea
You do not owe anybody the end of a conversation
You were taught not to interrupt. That is a rule for the dinner table. On a bench, with an adult who has heard you say no and carried on, the polite rule is off. You can stand up and walk away while they are still talking. It is allowed. It is the right thing.
A no that gets ignored is not a no yet. It becomes one when you leave. Waiting means they decide when it ends. Explaining means you are still in the conversation, and now they have something to argue with.
3The idea
Three scripts, and how you stand
The ordinary no: “No. I’m going now.” Two sentences, nothing after them.
The check-with-mum no: “I need to check with my mum first.” For offers and favours.
The loud one: “Leave me alone. I don’t know you.” Full volume, for when leaving did not work and they are still with you. It is meant to make heads turn.
Feet apart, chin up, look at them, say it, then turn. The words are the same whether you are hunched or upright. The upright kid gets believed. And you are always louder in your head than you are out loud, so say it louder than feels normal.
4The idea
The bench, worked through
Back to the library. She has said a quiet no and he is still going. So she stands up, feet apart, looks at him and says, “No. I’m going now.” Then she walks to the library doors while he is mid-word. She does not look back to see how he took it.
Inside is a desk with staff. If he had followed her or called after her, that is the loud one, from the doorway, so that people look up. She never found out how the conversation ended, because it ended when she left. That is how it is supposed to go.
5Decide
You have said no. He is still talking. What now?
Pick one to carry on.
6Say it
Script one: the ordinary no
Say this in a clear voice, louder than you think you need
“No. I'm going now.”
Two sentences. Nothing after them. Then your feet do the rest.
7Look
How you stand when you say it
Two ways to say no
The same kid saying no, drawn twice. One is hunched, looking down, hands in pockets. The other is upright, feet apart, looking at the person, one hand slightly raised.
The words are the same. The second kid gets believed. Feet apart, chin up, look at them. Then turn.
8Find them
Which of these make a no land?
Tap the ones that count.
Find all 4.
9Again
Script two: the loud one
Say this at full volume, so that it carries
“Leave me alone. I don't know you.”
This is for when leaving did not work and they are still with you. It is meant to make heads turn. Heads turning is the point.
10Your turn
Three scripts
Three scripts
Three scenes, three lines: the ordinary no, the check-with-mum no, and the loud one. The microphone is on. Say each one and it shows you how loud you actually were next to how loud you thought you were.
Most people are about half as loud as they think. Do the loud one again.
11Do it
Before you leave this page
Say all three out loud at full volume, in a room with a parent: "No. I'm going now." "I need to check with my mum first." "Leave me alone. I don't know you." If the parent does not flinch on the third one, do it again, louder.
Tick it when you have done it.
Lesson done.
You never owe anybody the end of a conversation. Say it, leave, be loud if you need to.
Take the Badge ChallengeBadge 5 · People, Out There
5.1The dial, at ten5.2Grown-ups ask grown-ups5.3Saying no out loud★Badge Challenge